It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
