Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize