We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
