Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
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