It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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