i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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