Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
tonight lets celebrate not being married
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Did I show you my penis last night?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
