I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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