sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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