And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
