Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
