I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
