So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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