Apparently you make a good broom.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
