im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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