i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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