we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
