Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
