If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize