I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
