My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
