He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
