Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
one might say we're banned from that church
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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