I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
