i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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