Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
