I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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