Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
