My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
