Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
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