I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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