and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
