yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
