if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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