He is an equal opportunity slut.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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