um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Randomize
