so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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