I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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