please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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