so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Randomize
