Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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