I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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