Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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