totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
