I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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