Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize