to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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