i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Never underestimate the power of titties
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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