I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
PANTIES FOUND
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