I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize