He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
