took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
