I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
