After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
