He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
