You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
