Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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