You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Randomize
