I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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