I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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