i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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