do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
