You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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