I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
