it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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