I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
