Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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