just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
