just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
