Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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