He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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