At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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