Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
My balls are so social today.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
