omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
