Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
