a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
