my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
