Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
