Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Dicks are not precious.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
