i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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