I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
