This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
