So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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