I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
