Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize