sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
