Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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