I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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