Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
