This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Pants are for mortals
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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