So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I have surprise drugs for everyone
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I had to cum in my sink.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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