So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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