you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
