slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
