I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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