Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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