He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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