wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
