I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
