i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
tell me about the fingering
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