Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
