I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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