Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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