please come you make the beer taste better
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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