If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
