I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
