This girl is more easily done than said...
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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